Wedding Week Reflections
As seems to be the trend, the past few weeks have flown by. I keep finding myself thinking of things I want to remember, but putting them off. However, I don't want to forget this very finite time left in my life-so here I am again.
To sort out my thoughts from the last month I have to first go back to the day after Thanksgiving. My good friend Maeg called to let me know that our ailing neighbor Murph had taken a turn for the worst. As his cancer took over his health had slowly declined, but all of a sudden we were faced with the imminent reality that he was dying. It seemed way too soon and I definitely wasn't ready. Murph passed on Nov. 26th. I was so blessed to be able to say goodbye to him and to spend the Sunday before eating Runza, laughing, and telling stories, just like always. Calling Murph a neighbor doesn't do justice to him. He was a friend to the girls next door from the day we met him. At 90, he still had the spunk and fire of a 20 year old. I know I speak for all his Angels when I say he taught me more about life, faith, relationships, and true generosity than I could ever imagine. I thought of him the other day when I woke up to fresh snow and the joy of a day off from school. My first snow day at Siena was almost exactly two years ago. We spent the day shoveling, eating Val's, and playing quarters at Murph's house. It's one of my favorite memories of him. I could have never imagined Murph wouldn't be dancing with me at our wedding, but I know he will be singing along from Heaven. I can't wait to see him again.
In five days I will be a married woman. People keep asking if I'm nervous, but the honest answer is not even a little bit. I guess maybe I'm a little worried I'll spill or trip, but that's an everyday reality in my life anyway... I'm not even close to nervous because this is the most natural step I've ever taken in my life. I was created for my vocation. God has blessed me so enormously by creating Chaz and giving him to me. I am so ready to enter into our vocation together. Chaz and I were talking the other day about the magnitude of our commitment to each other. His insight and reflections always blow me away. Through prayer recently Chaz said he had been reflecting on the Sacrament of Marriage. Every Sacrament must have a visible sign, and sure the rings are a physical representation of our unity, but what struck him is that I am Chaz's visible sign of our marriage. He is mine. Without the individual parts, there can be no unity. How I talk to him, treat him, and act with him is a sign of our Sacrament, and vice versa. How much more than are we both called to die to ourselves every day for each other! I haven't stopped thinking about this since he said it! My prayer is that I can understand deeply what it means to die to myself and love sacrificially. I have so much gratitude for this gift.
I am also so grateful for the time in my life where God has called me to be single. As it rapidly comes to an end, I think of all the ways I grew during this time. What stands out to me the most is the time during college to live with other women. All of the women who will be standing on the altar with me on Friday have formed me into who I am. My three sisters are and will be a constant source of love and familiarity in my life. I have shared more memories, joys, and pains with the Myrtle Street Gang than I can count. We have literally grown up together and are going through life together. My three friends and roommates from college have been so close to me through some of the best and hardest times of my life. On the way home from my bachelorette party Saturday Maeg and I talked about female fellowship. I miss Siena very much, but it's sort of a blessing that it was so finite. It's not anything that can be recreated. The friendships formed there had something intangible that made them so great. Maybe that intangibility wasn't so intangible after all. Maybe it was Murph. He connected us in more ways than he probably knew.
I'm not sure how to sum up all of the emotions I'm feeling, but the biggest one is definitely gratitude. This Christmas I will remember with gratitude all of these things and celebrate with my loving family who has been so supportive through my engagement to Chaz.
To sort out my thoughts from the last month I have to first go back to the day after Thanksgiving. My good friend Maeg called to let me know that our ailing neighbor Murph had taken a turn for the worst. As his cancer took over his health had slowly declined, but all of a sudden we were faced with the imminent reality that he was dying. It seemed way too soon and I definitely wasn't ready. Murph passed on Nov. 26th. I was so blessed to be able to say goodbye to him and to spend the Sunday before eating Runza, laughing, and telling stories, just like always. Calling Murph a neighbor doesn't do justice to him. He was a friend to the girls next door from the day we met him. At 90, he still had the spunk and fire of a 20 year old. I know I speak for all his Angels when I say he taught me more about life, faith, relationships, and true generosity than I could ever imagine. I thought of him the other day when I woke up to fresh snow and the joy of a day off from school. My first snow day at Siena was almost exactly two years ago. We spent the day shoveling, eating Val's, and playing quarters at Murph's house. It's one of my favorite memories of him. I could have never imagined Murph wouldn't be dancing with me at our wedding, but I know he will be singing along from Heaven. I can't wait to see him again.
In five days I will be a married woman. People keep asking if I'm nervous, but the honest answer is not even a little bit. I guess maybe I'm a little worried I'll spill or trip, but that's an everyday reality in my life anyway... I'm not even close to nervous because this is the most natural step I've ever taken in my life. I was created for my vocation. God has blessed me so enormously by creating Chaz and giving him to me. I am so ready to enter into our vocation together. Chaz and I were talking the other day about the magnitude of our commitment to each other. His insight and reflections always blow me away. Through prayer recently Chaz said he had been reflecting on the Sacrament of Marriage. Every Sacrament must have a visible sign, and sure the rings are a physical representation of our unity, but what struck him is that I am Chaz's visible sign of our marriage. He is mine. Without the individual parts, there can be no unity. How I talk to him, treat him, and act with him is a sign of our Sacrament, and vice versa. How much more than are we both called to die to ourselves every day for each other! I haven't stopped thinking about this since he said it! My prayer is that I can understand deeply what it means to die to myself and love sacrificially. I have so much gratitude for this gift.
I am also so grateful for the time in my life where God has called me to be single. As it rapidly comes to an end, I think of all the ways I grew during this time. What stands out to me the most is the time during college to live with other women. All of the women who will be standing on the altar with me on Friday have formed me into who I am. My three sisters are and will be a constant source of love and familiarity in my life. I have shared more memories, joys, and pains with the Myrtle Street Gang than I can count. We have literally grown up together and are going through life together. My three friends and roommates from college have been so close to me through some of the best and hardest times of my life. On the way home from my bachelorette party Saturday Maeg and I talked about female fellowship. I miss Siena very much, but it's sort of a blessing that it was so finite. It's not anything that can be recreated. The friendships formed there had something intangible that made them so great. Maybe that intangibility wasn't so intangible after all. Maybe it was Murph. He connected us in more ways than he probably knew.
I'm not sure how to sum up all of the emotions I'm feeling, but the biggest one is definitely gratitude. This Christmas I will remember with gratitude all of these things and celebrate with my loving family who has been so supportive through my engagement to Chaz.
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